A new Instagram account parodying the lives of millennials popped up this week, and it’s really, really funny.
Called “Millennials of New York,” the week-old account takes a satirical jab at the wildly popular “Humans of New York” phenomenon, started by photographer Brandon Stanton.
Written in the same direct, intimate tone as the original account, “Millennials” is dedicated solely to the #struggles faced by Gen-Y city kids—stuff like finding an apartment, turning your pet into a social media sensation, and facing poverty after paying for essentials like Internet, MetroCards, Sunday brunches, margarita machine maintenance, feather headdress-making lessons, Saturday brunches, and licensed SoulCycle bikes.
It’s both scarily accurate and straight up ridiculous, which is exactly why you need to add this to your Instagram feed, stat.
The account started as a lighthearted article for Elite Daily—where founders Connor Toole and Alec MacDonald both work as humor writers—but after the first post, they created a spinoff Facebook page, which now has more than 28,000 followers, and an Instagram account that has 2,465 followers, but we predict it’s about to blow up.
Here’s a taste of what you’ll find over at @millennialsofnewyork.
"I’m a professional talent scout. I spend my days walking around the city looking for a subject that I can turn into the next big meme. My primary focus used to be cute, exotic animals– your slow lorises, your three-toed sloths– but just being adorable doesn't cut it anymore. Right now, disabilities are IN. Whether it’s Grumpy Cat’s malformed jawbones or Lil Bub's total lack of teeth, people just can't get enough of broken animals! This little guy has diabetes. Type 2. He’s gonna be huge."
"It's really not easy balancing your love life, personal life and professional life in this city. When I got too stressed in the past, I'd grab a drink with a friend or go to a park and throw coins at pigeons, but at some point all the regular things stopped working for me. Now the only way I can really relax is by watching TV shows about murder. My friends keep telling me that I should, like, do a pomegranate cleanse when I feel the pressure building, but why would I do that when Law and Order: SVU is always playing on at least one channel? After a long, stressful day, there's nothing I love more than popping open a can of rosé and trying to figure out who bludgeoned a prostitute to death with her own prosthetic leg."
"For months I was utterly miserable. I was going to therapy three times a week and actually listed 'crying' as one of my hobbies on Tinder. After realizing nobody was going to solve my problems for me, I went to the zoo and paid $80 to take a picture with a penguin wearing a tiny sweater. I posted it on Instagram and it got 123 likes! 123!! I suddenly felt like my life had been filled with a purifying, healing light. I was able to completely stop going to therapy, and last weekend my ex even texted me 'Mouth?' at 3 AM. I think things are finally starting to turn around. Thank you so much, Instagram."
"I’m a feminist, okay? And I don’t care who knows it. I believe that women are JUST as capable as men, and deserve the right to equal pay. Guys who wouldn’t vote for someone based on their gender offend me to my core. It’s ridiculous, in this day and age, to have a problem with a woman in a position of power. Personally, I would be overjoyed with a female president if she’s not fat."
“Buying organic and local is just a way of life for me now. It’s just so important to me that I know where the stuff I buy is being farmed and who is doing the work. That’s why I’m proud to say my weed guy lives in my building and the weed I smoke is sourced from a secret roof garden in Queens, as it should be.”
"It's literally impossible to take advantage of the city when everything is as expensive as it is. Isn't DeBlasio supposed to be doing something about these ridiculous rent prices? It feels like by the time I'm done paying for other basic necessities—groceries, electric, Internet, MetroCard, Sunday brunches, margarita machine maintenance, feather headdress-making lessons, Saturday brunches, an officially licensed SoulCycle machine for my apartment so I don't have to worry about classes filling up—there's really nothing left for me to have any fun with. I don't want to ask my parents to up my allowance but I don't know if I have a choice anymore."
"I buy passes for music festivals and post them on Instagram before reselling them so people think I have a social life. I’ve actually never been to one. I had someone ask me why I never post pictures of the actual festival and I said, 'I leave my camera at home because reality shouldn’t be viewed through a lens.'”