Quite possibly MTV‘s most outrageously controversial (albeit successful)”reality” show,Jersey Shore is difficult to watch for many reasons. But by far and away the MOST unbearable sub-plot (Wait, are there plots on the Jersey Shore?) is the tumultuous relationship between on-again-off-again partners in masochism:Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammie Giancola.
Each episode is the same—after an awkward reconciliatory date and night spent “together” the group then goes out for a raucous “slopopotamus” — filled evening where the couple inevitably gets in a fight and the rants begin:
Sam: LYKE WUT AM I SUPPOSED TUH DEW? LYKE ITS NOT OKEY RAHN, IT’S NOT OKEY! RAHN, STOP IT. AHNESTLY, I CAN’T REPEAT MIAMI AGAEN.
“Rahn” punches a wall.
Sam: DID YOU BRING A GIRL HOME RAHN? JUST TELL MEH. LOOK AT ME IN THE FACE. I’M DONE RAHN. I’M DONE.
“Rahn” fights “The Situation.”
Sam: RAHN STOP! SERIOUSLY CAN U JUST LISSEN. RAHN, STOP!
“Rahn” brings Sammi flowers and confesses he still “loves” her to the group.
While it’s quite clear these two need to be as far away from each other as possible — in less extreme circumstances (such as our own personal experiences) why do we keep going back?
Psychology Today reveals many experience yo-yo relationships and for several reasons. While Sammie and Ron couldn’t possibly have a redeemable quality as a couple for most, this isn’t the case. There is usually something(s) about the other person that really works for you—even if they are accompanied by deal-breakers such as dishonesty—this makes it difficult to make an ultimate decision about your mate. The good times make the hard times worth bearing.
For others the pangs of low self-esteem make them incapable of sustaining the loneliness andself-deprecating internal monologues that often strike after a breakup — “What was I thinking? I’ll never meet someone as funny, smart, and attractive ever again!”
Feeling caught between their desire for freedom and the fearof regret causes uncertainty — not everyone walks away from a relationship to find the joys singledom. Rather, some “come away with a deeper understanding of the value of their bond, even if the romance doesn’t always have storybook qualities.”
Well, we all know fairy tales don’t exist but how do you know what’s worth fighting for?
You Better Recognize
These “boomerang” love affairs take two, so acknowledge there isn’t a guilty party. The key to stopping the cycle (whether through a reconciliation orapermanent break)is to recognize your pattern and figure out what is REALLY drawing you to this person. If that pull is unhealthy you must take the necessary steps to ending it!
Have a Plan
If you decide to give your relationship another shot have a plan going in. The worst thing you can do is assume that it’s possible to change anyone. (Reality check: It’s not.) Know going in what the deal-breaker behavior is and what you will do if it should rear its ugly head yet again.
Consult a Third Party
Family can be difficult because at the end of the day they want your happiness—period, end of story. Find someone that you trust, that is not highly invested in the relationship, who can give you an unbiased opinion of what they see.
Put Yourself In A Time-Out
You guys are on-again-off-again anyway so why not put that space to good use?Use the emotional distance to think clearly about what you want from a long-term relationship. If your partner doesn’t measure up, make the hiatus permanent.
If you want to get off the torturous carousel of the on-again-off-again put your relationship in “forever” terms. What’s the use of going another round if your intentions aren’t serious—we can all get laid somewhere.Practice the exercise with your partner and if you are not on the same page—you MUSTacquiesce.
Find someone who wants what you want and can give what you need.