One of my favorite scandals of the past few years involved the false paternity claims that were hauled at Justin Bieber by Mariah Yeater, some random Valley girl who was probably bored of sipping Smirnoff Ice in a parking lot and decided to take on one of the most well-equipped legal teams in the damn world. Genius. Obviously, after a month or so of nonstop drama and a media blitz, she threw out the suit when it came to light that she was a lying lunatic.
Anyway, aside from this, it’s been a major year for Bieber. He has, in essence, had his proverbial Bar Mitzvah in front of the entire world. His relationship with Selena Gomez has become one of the most talked about couplings in Hollywood and his music is evolving at a rapid pace. In fact, he is set to record a song based off of the Mariah Yeater baby mama drama, and I couldn’t be more excited. Because I can’t wait any longer, I’ve teamed up with my colleague Jessica Rubin and prepared some proposed lyrics that the Biebs should really consider. See below:
“The Kid Ain’t Mine” (set to the tune of Brandy and Monica‘s masterpiece “The Boy Is Mine”)
Chorus: You need to give it up
I’ve never hit you up
You’re so full of sh*t
The kid ain’t mine
Verse: I think it’s time we had a chat
Selena’s tired of your crap
Your tears aren’t fooling anyone
Can’t you see what you’ve done?
I see how you could be freakishly obsessed with me
Even if I’m only 5 foot 3, I’m better than you’ll ever be
You see I’m trying to be nice
But you’ll never live the Bieber life
Hybrid cars and diamond chains
Nothing would ever be the same
But that kid ain’t mine
Chorus X 2
(Side note: We know Bieber isn’t 5’3″. And we know we aren’t the next Denise Rich here. It’s all in good fun. So chill.)
Hahah hilarious!
he does look 5’3 though.
well ya he is 5’3 and he is now 18 years old I LOVE U JUSTIN DREW BIEBER FOREVER AND ALWAYS.<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I luv justin bieber the most so back off ladies he is MINE
I love all justin bieber,s i love u justin bieber.
the songs of justin bieber r soo cool even the first song of justin bieeber
hi justin if u ever read this my name is montez holcolm im 16 years old im a amazing singer umm never really had anything my only dream is to be a famous singer not just for the money heck id do it for free i just want the world to see what i can do and se life from where u are so keep doing what your doing im not obsesed but im a big fan if u wanna get in contact with me witch u probably wont my number is 313-915-1292 thanks
he is so cute to bad he’ll neve rlike me
hey Justin have you ever thought of coming to alaska for a concert
i love you abc easy and 123 baby you and me boy
justin can i get a free tecket
hi justin i am your all time biggest fan you r really cute my name is felicity marie reed send me a friend rquest i surely will exsept it.
uh hi justin i’m such a big fan of yours.My name is latavia Henderson I have had a big dream about meeting you and being able to get a label like you.technically i want to be like you .Famous,having a good career,meeting new people.What I don’t want is people saying that their baby is mine when it isn’t. hopefully you can get in touch with me and we can talk which would be really cool and you can tell me how you became a famous popstar.
Hey Jusin I love you soooo much.I’m your No.1 fan.I’m 10 years-old.God bless your soul.Believe!I watched your NBC speacial.I loved it ensepted the part where you fainted on the stairs.Love you and Sel.Love, Keiloni
P.S. It’s pernouced KAY-lon-NI)
Could I mabey get a Free-ticket for me and my Dad?Anyways Love you and want to be jst liked you
that is so not nice for a fake momma you are the best joke ever and i like you so much i wish i could see you in preson do you wish you could see me in person i love your song so much
hey justin im 8 yrs old n have been following you since i can remember luv ur music makes me smile…didnt miss ur nbc special i did dvr that…great job with all ur music keep it cuming…lots of luv alexis h
That was amazing you should totally post it on facebook and youtube you live a great life having fans andfame also being famous you are the most popular teenager Ive ever watched you are the best singer noeffense to the others that are good singers♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥.
hey justin im jessica an im 18 u r so inspiring to me an other people i luv u an ur family
im sure that u will live ur dream keep dreamin on dont ever give up on ur dreams an remember NEVER SAY NEVER
live your life dont ever give up im stayin here im not leavin u eva . this is jessica these r sum of my lyrics tell me wat u think plz BE HONEST PLZ
jb i love you abd i love the movey one time
JB can you geve me you pone nuber
u sing soooooooooooooooooo good i really want too meet u jb i love u soooo much
in my room i have pic of u and selana gomez u and her but i like u jb byeeeeee ps…my name is jaylene jb ok 
byee!!!
yaaaa rite
hey justin i <3 your song bf
i love justin bieber 4 life
ily jb i have never been to 1 consert of urs but i would like to ur da best ily;]
hey Justin, my name is Trinity and I am 6 years old and I am sorry about that crazy lady that lied and said you were her baby’s daddy.
justin bieber u look so hoot i just want to go see u but i am in pheonix arizona
hey justin i am your official number 1 fan!!!!!!!!!!!! that Mariah girl is lying because you spend most of the time on your tour and even that you still are going out with selena and you have a whole lot of enterviews you dont have enough time spending with another girl