Can You Trust the Person You’re Dating? Here’s How to Tell

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STYLECASTER | Signs Your Partner is Trustworthy
Photo: STYLECASTER/Tory Rust

It’s one of the first qualities we hope to find out about a person when we start dating them: whether they’re trustworthy or not. While part of trusting someone is simply taking their word, there are indicators that will tell whether your partner is really trustworthy or not. And the best part is you’ll be able to tell early on … which will help you determine if the relationship is even worth investing in.

They’re Honest, Even When It Hurts

This doesn’t mean “brutal honesty,” but a trustworthy person can be honest while still being tactful. “Telling someone something that they may not want to hear takes strength and vulnerability and is a sign that the person you’re dealing with is someone you can put your trust in. And this can be judged at all stages of the relationship,” says Tanisha M. Ranger, Psy.D., CSAT, a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships.

They Can Handle Tough Questions

Are there any subjects they refuse to talk about or are very vague about when discussing? “Asking direct questions is a great way to catch someone that you might have concerns about off-guard. Are they calm and collected and openly and honestly answer the question; or do they clam up, get defensive, flip the question on you, or panic over it being asked?” asks Caitlin Bergstein, a professional matchmaker with Three Day Rule. Their reaction can be very telling as to just how trustworthy they can be.

They’re Super Open

Says Bergstein: “One simple way to test this is to pick up their phone to search something (maybe you’re looking up a new restaurant or checking movie times) and see how they react. If they panic, they may be hiding something.” A trustworthy person is transparent and should be able to share everything from whom they’re hanging out with to who that guy/girl is that texts them after work hours.

MORE: The Relationship Advice No One Ever Tells You—But Should

They Own Their Choices

Taking responsibility for one’s own actions is a personal thing, not a couple’s thing. “You don’t get what you deserve. You get what you choose. It’s based on the individual’s personal decisions and choices. Not taking responsibility for one’s actions can lead to devaluing the other person,” says Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist and relationship coach. For example, they choose to blow $500 at the casino. So, it’s up to them to acknowledge their loss and make it back, somehow. It shows not only their taking responsibility but that you can trust them to do so.

You’re Tagged in All Their Instagrams

It’s not a good sign when you’re dating someone, yet by looking at their social media accounts you’d think they were still single. “When someone is excited about the person and relationship, they want to acknowledge you on social media. They share your shared events and eventually want to share their changed status,” says Silva. Their being open about your relationship gives a sense of trust that you’re on the same page and that they’re acknowledging and telling other’s they’re off the market.

MORE: 18 Worst Mistakes People Commonly Make In Relationships

Their Actions Match Their Words—and Vice Versa

You hear it all the time: Actions speak louder than words. This is especially true when trying to tell if your partner is trustworthy. “If your partner never follows through or makes big promises they don’t keep, it could be a sign that they’re not as trustworthy as you hoped. How reliable and dependable they are also ties into this and can dictate whether or not someone is trustworthy,” explains Bergstein.

They Show Consistent Honesty and Integrity 

There is no trust without consistency. “As human beings, we like predictability. It makes us feel safe and able to relax. If your partner tells the truth sometimes and keeps their word occasionally, you can’t relax into that relationship and trust with your whole heart,” says Ranger.

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