Helping your lover access all five senses during sex can serve not only as awesome foreplay, but also enhance your entire sexual experience. The key, though, is to not make it seem like an overt effort—or a major assault on the senses. Instead, think of these things as more… subliminal. Here are a few techniques to get you started.
Low lighting can set a romantic tone, so swap out bright bulbs for a low-wattage, soft pink color, or use candles. Also, consider including more passionate colors in the bedroom—dark reds, gold, royal purple, and blue create a sensual environment.
Make a playlist that reflects the kind of sex you’re aiming for. Are you going for sweet, soft, and romantic, or do you want pulsating, sensual, throbbing bass? If you don’t want music, stimulate your partner aurally with sighs, whispers, and dirty talk.
A diffuser with essential oils or scented candles will help enhance the vibe, and you can find nearly every scent imaginable. Some personal favorites of mine are ylang-ylang, sandalwood, lemongrass, blood orange, and white cotton—but experiment to find your perfect blend.
In the ancient kama sutra, part of the seduction ritual was to present your partner with an offering of food. Appease his or her appetite with finger foods they can nibble from your hands… or that you can nibble off their body. Chocolates are a classic erotic treat, as are the juiciest of fruits, but if you want something that can tempt their tongue and is safe for sex but never sticky, use a flavored, water-based lube like Wicked Sensual Care’s Salted Caramel lube.
Sensual, erotic massage can both relax and arouse, but also experiment with different kinds of sensations. Try things like massaging their scalp or scratching their back, with varying kinds of pressure. It doesn’t always have to remain soft or sensitive, but make sure to communicate what you’re okay with.
Experiment with depriving your lover of one or more senses—blindfold them, restrain them, or ask them not to make any sounds, and notice how their perception of other senses changes.
For some more sensitive individuals, this multi-faceted stimulation can also be overload. If you feel your partner is overwhelmed, help them talk about this. Perhaps introduce these ideas one at a time. Also, slowly isolating each sense and concentrating on small details within each one can be a mindfulness exercise that can keep you grounded and connected during lovemaking. To practice this, you can:
- Focus your sight on something specific: Look into your partner’s eyes or watch their mouth as they pleasure you. Also concentrate on the sounds you hear—like the way your bodies sound coming together, the sound of their breathing.
- Breathe deeply and take in the smells in the room. You may small sex, perfume or cologne, or skin.
- Savor the taste of their body, wherever your mouth happens to be.
- Concentrate on different sensations you can feel—the texture of the sheets beneath you, the feel of their hair, the curves of their body with your fingertips.
- As you slowly isolate these things and take time to acknowledge them, you’re anchoring yourself in the moment, and that’s a very good place to be.