After two and a half years, my live-in boyfriend and I broke up. * While I know well both emerge relatively unscathed, its hard to imagine my life back in the singles game. My now ex-boyfriend and I had achieved a rare level of comfort where I could unabashedly eat french fries off his plate, cry about work even if it would make my face all puffy and exit the bathroom exhaling, You do not want to go in there This security net of a boyfriend just shot to shit my mysterious air of sexiness in favor of emotional intimacy and deep fried potatoes. How do you go back to square one from that?!?
Needless to say my flirting skills are now rusty if not obsolete. Apparently boys dont take well to filling in conversation lulls with, I love you on a first date. Who knew? And since when is it a deal breaker to speak nearly exclusively in Arrested Development and 30 Rock quotes which is exactly half of my current vocabulary? If you watch 30 Rock, you totally got what I did there. Also, I recently learned it is a really big turn-off for men to hear about how bloated you’re feeling even though you, “like totally ate healthy today.”
Id resort back to my college ways of using liquid courage to make myself (and everyone else in the bar) sexier and more confident. However, it seems that without the context of college, thats called, dangerous behavior and invites inquiries about when my episode of Intervention will be running.
Alas with a bruised ego, here I am attending a flirting tutorial seminar. (Pauses for laughter.) Love coach Lauren Frances is a celebrated and renowned, Flirt Expert as dubbed by Victorias Secret and has advised A-List celebrities on how to meet “The One.” Frances writes essays, makes television appearances and hosts workshops on how to flirt with men and nab a date.
While you may brush off some of the tips Frances touched upon, keep them in the back of your mind because youd be surprised at how often you disobey her sound advice. Here are some pointers I picked up at the seminar:
Put yourself out there. Women need to dispel, The Grimm Effect. Frances explains that fairy tales of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty spoiled us and finding a man doesn’t happen if youre just sleeping in your apartment dreaming of Prince Charming. Get the hell out of your house and venture into guy-friendly bars with three or four of your girlfriends.
Do not sit in a booth. Isolating yourself and your friends into a booth while on the prowl is uninviting to onlookers. Rather, sit facing outward at a table and in a high traffic area.
Party hop. Dont linger in any one place for too long, and plan out three different places for you and your friends to venture to throughout the night. Move on if the bar is disappointing and dont be afraid to break off into groups of two.
Develop code words. To avoid getting cornered by mouth breathers and men just short of having a snaggle tooth and a tail, have code words to bail your girlfriends out. Rather than give each other the desperation eyes, decidedly say, mascara” to your friends and create a human shield to box out the undesirable. Take it to the next level by declaring, champagne to move your entire group to the other end of the bar.
Compliment a man on something other than his looks. Frances suggests that complimenting a man on his tie or watch is better than complimenting his eyes as it feels like less of a forced pickup line. I once complimented a guy on his salt and pepper hair which I found sexy and he found highly insulting. Lesson learned.
Function as a wing woman. If youve introduced yourself to a guy and realized hed be better suited for your girlfriend, politely introduce them and then excuse yourself to the bathroom. This gives them 10 minutes to hit it off without leaving either of them to feel nervously abandoned.
The take away? Start being social and stop moping about how youre single or dumped. Abandon the role of wallflower and be social! Even if you dont meet your next boyfriend, by being a little more forward and friendly you sure as hell are increasing your chances.
Words are one thing, actions are another, so this weekend I will be attending a highly guy-friendly event sponsored by StyleCaster and Qwiki on Friday, November 19th. If you want me to regale you with more stories or think youre brave enough to try flirting with me, come! Visit our Facebook page to RSVP and see you there!
*Please send all sympathy cards, flowers and Godiva chocolates care of StyleCaster.
Photo courtesy of iStock
Newly single myself, this article was engaging and informative! Loved it!
Ha I love the way you write! very entertaining, at the same time very informative. Thanks for the tips!