Prepare yourself for a night of awkward staring, long lunches with little conversation, and a whole lot of silent BBming. That’s right, guys, The City and The Hills are back and are both airing tonight…can you handle it? Aren’t you just, like, totally dying? Since we’re basically psychic, here are a few predictions about what debacles will ensue on both season twos. Check out the premiere trailers as well.
The City, at 10:30pm
-Whitney will wear some sort of knit cap and passive aggressively whine about Olivia Palermo.
-Whit will meet a boy, but it won’t work out because she’s like, so downtown, and he’s like, so uptown.
-They will go to Delicatessen at some point.
-New characters will be introduced where you are consistently confused as to why you care about them…but you inexplicably do.
-We will smile and cheer every time Kelly Cutrone walks onscreen. Love her!
-Olivia Palermo gets a job at Elle, and you wonder why you even bothered going to college.
The Hills, 10pm
-With the return of Kristen Cavallari, she will come up with a way to pronounce everyone’s name so they have more syllables than is necessary. “Just-a-innnnn Bo-o-o-bbyyyyyyeeeee!”
-Lauren Conrad is no longer on the show, so Spencer Pratt has nothing to say…at all…ever. The world is a little better.
-Heidi’s breast implants explode, revealing the truth…she’s a bleach-blonde robot zombie.
-Stephanie Pratt continues to stun everyone with her sub-par IQ (like Audrina) by just how dumb she really is. Remember the episode last season when she thought hamsters turned into guinea pigs?
-You will wonder, for a full depressing half hour, and possible longer, why Kristin makes $90,000 per episode, and why Audrina makes $100,000 per episode. Don’t cry…it’ll be okay.