Well, it finally happened. Last night, the first part of Kim’s Fairytale Wedding aired on E!, and while the actual ceremony and party will take place on tonight’s follow-up, Part 1 was filled with all the drama, debauchery and general ridiculousness we’ve come to expect from the “Armenian Kennedys.” In honor of one of the wildest two hours of television I’ve watched in recent memory, I’ve compiled a list of the highs and the lows for those of you seeking a KK wedding cheat sheet:
- Kris Humphries. I don’t think I have enough bad things to say about this man and his behavior. While Kim insists that the family just doesn’t “get his sense of humor,” I’m pretty sure he’s just disrespectful and a total meat head. Why did he even care that he wasn’t involved in the wedding plans? Obviously, Kim, Mama Kris, and their team of party planners had it under control. Also, I nearly had a heart attack when he suggested a Five Guys burger truck be present at their reception (to which Mama Kris in all her bougie glory responded that “maybe Wolfgang [Puck] can whip up some sliders”).
- To be fair, Kim was sort of a bridezilla (as if that’s any surprise). It didn’t bother me that she took control of the situation — it bothered me how tacky her choices were. “Black, white, and sparkles” is not a theme for a wedding. And when she was registering for gifts at the iconic Gearys and said she liked theHerms china because it had a large “H,” I couldn’t help but shake my head.
- Seriously, we did not need to see the nitty gritty details of Mama Kris’ facelift. Like, I’m all for a little nip and tuck, but that was like the first ten minutes of Saving Private Ryan.
- What’s with the “Rob is overeating” storyline? Does it really surprise anyone that an unemployed L.A. party boy spends a little too much time on the Carl’s Jr. drive -thru line?
- Ugh, I know I’ve complained about Mr. Humphries already, but his dogs really suck. What kind of person in their right mind would think that Kim freakin’ Kardashian would let a bunch of slobbery mutts sleep on her silk sheets?
- Khlo was on point throughout the entire special. From calling out Kris on his opportunististic nonsense, to wearing an Alexander McQueen scarf as a do-rag, she again proved to be one of the most surprisingly loveable characters on reality television.
- Bruce Jenner is always great to watch because he really just DOES NOT CARE. I’m sure he doesn’t mind the fame and the enormous nest egg they’ve managed to amass from all the Kardashian kraziness, but like, the dude owns one shirt. Literally one shirt, and it’s a weird blue polo with mismatched stripes. Least he rocks it like the champ he is. Go, Bruce!
- OK, the massive estate Kim picked for the nuptials in Montecito is actually one of the most beautiful houses ever. For a little bit, I was worried she would pick the Playboy Mansion, or insist on getting married at Fred Segal or something. The event has shaped up to be a classic Beverly Hills wedding through and through, from the Hansen’s cakes to the Vera Wang gowns.
- The real star of this episode was of course Mason Dash-Disick. Everything this kid touches turns to gold, and Kourtney and Scott dress him better than any tot on television.
Anyway, tune in tonight for the remainder of the big day. You know I’ll be watching…
Photo via TMZ