I think foreplay gets a bad rap. It’s become cliché—even I’ve used analogies like “preheating the oven” and “warming up the race car before taking it out for record-setting laps.” Despite what we might see in adult movies, though, the reality is that foreplay is something we all need … not just women.
Here are the reasons why, along with some additional foreplay ideas that are outside the box.
Start the fun before you’re even together.
Foreplay builds excitement and anticipation. It can tease, or it can promise. We all like to feel desired, so when we get texts, emails, pictures, or phone calls from our lovers, we know they’re thinking about us. This tends to make us think about them. Make contact during a workday or when they’re out of town. You don’t even have to be in the same room (or the same state!) for foreplay to begin.
Have ‘brain sex.’
When you’re together, foreplay doesn’t have to start as overtly sexual. Sex is mental in so many ways, so appease your S.O.’s senses with an amazing meal, a glass of wine, and some conversation. If this isn’t something you do on a regular basis, it might seem forced in the beginning, but once you both relax, expect connectivity in shared conversation. I call this brain sex, and it’s some of my favorite foreplay.
When you’re in the bedroom or any other location where you’ll be getting it on, there are so many approaches to seductive foreplay: sensual massage by candlelight; stripping for your lover or slowly undressing him or her; finger foods fed slowly; a hot, soapy shower; or some sensory play. These are all great. No need to try them all at once, though. Begin slowly and deliberately.
Approach dirty talk like Mad Libs.
Talking dirty is amazing foreplay, and it gives both people the opportunity to get consent in a really sexy way. Some people are intimidated when it comes to pillow talk, but try it as if you’re playing an adult version of Mad Libs, and fill in the blanks.
“It feels so good when you _______.”
“Do you like that?”
“Do you want me to _______?”
“Can I _______ your _______?”
“Tell me what to do to you.”
Try nonlinear sex.
When we get down to it, sometimes we have a tendency to follow the same steps. Maybe it was ingrained in our brains long ago or maybe we saw it in movies or heard it from friends, but please remember: Sex isn’t linear. It doesn’t and shouldn’t follow a formula. Kissing + petting + oral doesn’t always = good foreplay. Mix things up! Some people love to cuddle; some love to tickle fight or play wrestle. I can make out for an hour. Others have erogenous zones that are different from yours and fun to explore.
Redefine your definition of sex.
While the dictionary defines foreplay as “sexual activity that precedes intercourse,” I think that forces us to then define what we consider intercourse—and then realize that it’s totally subjective! It’s not just PIV (penis in vagina) intercourse any more—what we each consider sex is open to interpretation. I think that foreplay can be the act itself. I’ve certainly orgasmed from foreplay where there was no penetration. Take performance pressure off each other and just enjoy.
Go very slow.
If your ideal goal is penetration and as many orgasms as possible, know this: Foreplay works to help achieve this in a few different ways. As you’re aroused, the blood flow to your sexy regions increases. Once that happens, women become more lubricated and “ready” for penetration. Orgasms are brewing. Anticipation builds. This is where the time that you take really pays off. So savor your lover. Slowly.
Bottom line: We’re very different from one another, and I think that communication is at the core of better sex. What’s your favorite kind of foreplay? If you could tell your lover one thing, what would that be? I’m looking forward to your comments below.
Adult superstar Jessica Drake is an exclusive Wicked Pictures contract performer, writer, and director, as well as an emerging sexual wellness authority. In her award-winning, self-directed “Guide to Wicked Sex” series, Jessica brings erotic topics to life through intimate demonstrations performed by some of today’s hottest adult stars. A charismatic public speaker, the same demand for her modern sex education DVDs also takes Jessica around the world, presenting seminars and workshops at expos, retail outlets, and universities, where she speaks to curious adults desiring to learn more about sex, romance, and communication. Follow her on Twitter, and visit Guide To Wicked Sex.