Dating ‘Jersey Shore’ Style: 5 Lessons It Has Taught Us

Spencer Cain

This past Thursday, the fifth season of Jersey Shore premiered. Shockingly, the show has lasted longer than most critically acclaimed dramas, and some of the cast members have gone on to have flourishing careers. In 2010, for example, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino allegedly earned close to $5 million.

Yeah, that’s a crap load of cash. A brief Google search reveals that America’s most beloved Oompa Loompa Snooki also has a net worth solidly in the millions. So, what gives? Even more shocking than the fact that the show is still on the air is the fact that I, a known cynic who tries my hardest to shun trashy TV (it’s a struggle…), still watches it.

There’s something to be said for that, and I think that something is this: the Jersey Shore cast makes the mistakes we’ve all made — or are bound to make — in relationships. Instead of judging the juice heads, I think it’s best that we learned a few lessons from their sordid pasts.

  1. If there’s shady some business going down, do not involve your friends — no matter how close you may be with them. Look at Snooki’s situation. After cheating on her ridiculous boyfriendJionni with Mike in Florence, she found herself in quite a pickle when she came back to the dirty Jerz. Mike’s friend, known simply as “Unit,” and her slutty friend Ryder hold the key to her secrets — and aren’t afraid to reveal them to bring her down. Look, I’m not condoning any sort of cheating, but don’t involve yet ANOTHER party. Clean up your own mess.
  2. I’m a big believer in guy code. And no, not the delusional “guy code” that Kris Humphries preaches on this season of Kourtney & Kim Take New York. But I do believe that regardless of the situation, you should not “smush” with someone who a close friend has smushed with — especially when you live with said friend. Pauly D should have kept his paws off of Ryder, since she had previously dilly-dallied with Vinny. Vinny is clearly going through some sort of a depression, and I don’t think Pauly’s behavior helped.
  3. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, can come from playing twisted mind games with each other. That’s right, I’m looking at you Sam and Ronnie! Contrary to many Jersey Shore viewers, I am a big fan of Sammi Sweetheart. Yeah, okay, she’s whiney as all hell, but she’s real. She loves Ronnie, and he loves her, but they both are too scared to admit it to one another. Many people in relationships think they are settling just because they are surrounded by a strong singles scene, but love is love. Don’t mess around with one another. It wastes time, and it puts other people in bad positions.
  4. I mean, OK, this is sort of a given, but it’s a dating rule that everyone should be abiding by. Keep the booze to a minimum! Yes, getting wasted and ridiculous is why we love the Jersey Shore cast, but it’s quite obvious how alcohol detrimentally impacts their relationships. I’m no saint in this department, but it’s all about learning a balance. If you have a wild drunken fight, make sure to put it into perspective as soon as you can — before the hangovers kick in!
  5. There’s nothing wrong with a little random hook-up action. Sometimes, you just need to get some — that’s fine! But if there’s a chance the person you’re going home with may have an ulterior motive, then cut that situation quickly. Sure, the boys are faced with the reality that the girls who go home with them want to cash in on their 15 minutes of fame. For the rest of us though, who aren’t reality stars, it’s important to remember that it’s easy to be used. Don’t let it happen.

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