Dating Dilemma: My Life As Bridget Jones

Jessica Hoppe

I think this story could be one for the next installment of Bridget Jones. But with Bridge hitched up and all it’ll have to be played out by Shazza or Jude.

I recently dated a model/actor age 31, who is quite possibly one of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen. However, his definition of dating is what most people refer to as the booty call. After barely squirming away on the first date, I was sure I couldn’t bear another round. But after persistent follow-up on his part, I thought maybe I could find something in those baby blues I missed the first time. That was until this exchange during second date planning:

Me: Ok, well going to hop in the shower and get ready. Text you when I’m on my way.

Him: yeah definitely take a shower 😉


Him: hahahahh 😉 🙂

Yeah…I’m not sure what I was expecting from a man (eh model, yes it’s different) who tried to kiss me an hour into our first date in the middle of Lincoln Center and exclusively asked me “out”-to his apartment. But I had hoped that telling him to meet me at the park would have clued him in. No dice.

My solution to this icky text? Ignore. The fallout? An angry tirade two hours later. Read on:

Him: Are we still hanging out or not?!

Me: Look, I’m sorry to ignore you but I think you may have gotten the wrong impression. (Translation: Stop trying to sleep with me because it’s not going to happen). I was a little put off by the “take a shower” comment. I’d like to take things slow but you seem determined to get me over to your house. If you’re open to doing something OUTSIDE where we can get to know each other, I’m game. I hope you understand.

Him: That is the WORST excuse for not wanting 2 hang out I have ever heard. I didn’t say “take a shower” to be sexual I meant it to like mean you smell!!!! 🙂 😉

Me: Ok…

Him: I mean…I didn’t ACTUALLY mean you smell 🙂 You always smell great! 😉 You know what I mean-it was a joke. If u wanted 2 meet in the park i told you i was there. But by the time you got ready and came up it would have been late. I can’t just wait around. I have stuff to do ya know 😉 so i said we could meet at my place. then walk 2 the park from there. 🙂

Ok, that was quite enough. First of all what is with all the winky and smiley faces?! And the use of the number two rather than the word? Are you really saving yourself that much trouble using the digit?

I couldn’t take it. I could care less how hot this guy was, saying “take a shower” is worthy of the flat-out no-response dump! Whether he meant it sexually or literally told you, you smell.

The take away besides the laughs at me and how pathetic dating can really be?

Fellas: Don’t joke via text or make mention of smells of any kind. If a lady indeed smells why the hell are you going out with her?

Ladies: If it’s this difficult to plan a date where he actually wants to talk rather than claw at your panties? You can forget the rest.

Happy Friday!

Promoted Stories