After months of looking at pictures of the set, pictures of the cast, pictures of the costumes, and basically speculating about absolutely EVERYTHING, Breaking Dawn — Part 1 is finally here. I saw it last night, and though I was initially skeptical, the film did not disappoint. (P.S. Don’t read any further if you’re not one of the 99% who’ve read the books.)
The movie opens with the highly-anticipated wedding scene. Finally, Edward Cullen and Bella Swan make it official! What follows is a dramatic series of events, ultimately pitting the Cullens against their enemies; the werewolves and the Vampire council. Yes, I realize how ridiculous that sentence just sounded…but it is what it is! Now, please take a look below for the best and worst of what you can expect:
- The Wedding — Not only did the Carolina Herrera gown look stunning on Kristen Stewart‘s svelte frame, but it was actually romantic and oddly believable for a vampire-human union. Part of what made it so believable was that all the guests got totally hammered and made mortifying/hilarious toasts, and of course there was plenty of family tension. As usual, Jacob (Taylor Lautner) had to make an appearance and be annoying, but that is what I have come to expect from that loser werewolf (#TeamEdward4Life).
- The Honeymoon — Damn, Bella lucked out with this dude. Not only does Edward live in a massive mansion, apparently he also owns an island estate somewhere off the coast of Rio de Janeiro. Based on a series of paparazzi shots from a few months back, I knew the cast had taken filming south of the border, but I wasn’t sure why. Now I know, and I’m more jealous than ever. Um, can I book a vacation here? And Kristen Stewart maybe pay for it? It’s the least she can do. I’ve bought tickets to see all her damn movies. (Yes people, I sat through Welcome to the Rileys. You can send my purple heart medal in the mail.)
- The Sex — Speaking of the honeymoon, this got a little heated — pun intended. Seriously, all that pillow biting (though they didn’t allude to it in the movie) left the bedroom in absolute shambles. I swear the crazy maid who wouldn’t stop yelling “demon!” at Edward nearly had a heart attack when she saw the condition of their love nest. Oh, and their little metaphorical chess games were so cute I couldn’t bear it. You could really tell that these two were sick and tired of keeping their hands off each other on set and were happy they could finally let loose. BTW, I’m pretty sure K-Stew didn’t mind wearing that slinky lingerie either.
- The Birth Scene — Okay, so basically Bella gets pregnant, and no one knows what’s going to happen. After a few weeks of her dropping weight by the day and nearing critical condition, the Cullen crew discovers that she is only content when drinking cups of blood. Gross? Yes, but watching K-Stew sip blood through a straw was hilarious and wierdly natural-looking. Anyway, she then randomly collapses and goes into labor and they all need to perform an emergency C-section (you learn that in vampire school, right?). This was literally one of the goriest sequences I’ve seen on film in recent memory — and it was f*cking awesome. (My only thumbs-down is the fact that they totally cut away when Edward rips the baby out of Bella’s womb with his teeth — wussies.)
- Not Enough Supporting Cast — I understand that this is due to the nature of the plot, but the supporting actors were at the top of their game, and it would have been nice to see more of them. Nikki Reed/Rosalie finally didn’t annoy me and was actually a good friend to Bella. Meanwhile, Ashley Greene continues to be adorable, and the guy who played Ryan’s brother that Marissa shot on The OC (What do you mean he has a name?) was great too!
- Jacob — Ugh, he’s such a drag. These werewolves seriously need to calm down. Jacob in particular needs to lay off my Edward or there will be serious hell to pay. One thing I will say is that Taylor Lautner does finally look slightly more adult, so all you pedophiles who wouldn’t shut up about what a babe he is are finally off the hook! And it seems he’s taken a few acting lessons — maybe he and Kim Kardashian split a coach?
- The Immortality Scene — Edward finally makes Bella immortal and frankly, the scene is a big waste of time. What’s worse is that it closes the film! But it just wasn’t scary enough. Although it did leave me wanting more, I would have loved a stronger cliffhanger. Also, Renesmee is the dumbest baby name I’ve heard in my entire life, so I seriously appreciated the fact when Edward and Jacob sort of mock it as a little inside joke to fans.
Okay, honesty time: All in all, this seemed like sort of a filler movie for the generally action-packed saga, but the steamy subplots made it MORE than worth it! While I don’t mind a flick that’s under the two-hour mark, I still have a lot of questions — but I suppose that’s why there’s another one coming. Until next year, Twihards!