Question for the class: What were you doing at midnight last night? If you’re boring and irresponsible like me, you were staying up too late reading the last chapter of a book (uh, All The Light We Cannot See is ridiculously great, guys). But if you’re Kim Kardashian, mother of all things fascinating, you were Snapchatting yourself stripping naked in a Miami hotel room, using only a makeup bag to hide your crotch from the eyes of the world.
“Nothing like a midnight spray tan, you guys,” she said in the video, before whispering “tanorexic” at the end. She then posted a bunch of nude selfies on Snapchat, showing off her new tan—which, mind you, does look excellent—and then presumably, hopefully, went to sleep.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is where our questions begin. Because hey, you gotta do what you gotta do, even if that means getting a spray tan at midnight, but we can’t help but wonder: When do you sleep, Kim? We know you wake up at 5 a.m. to work out, so when exactly do you hit the sheets for the doctor-recommended seven hours? And, speaking of sheets, what do yours look like? Are they stained orange? Kim, is your tanorexia ruining your 1,000-thread-count sheets? Is it ruining your white bodycon dresses and your white custom-stuffed couches? K.K., is your spray tan ruining your life?!
I mean, those are completely reasonable questions, in our opinion. But until Kim personally answers us, which we’re sure will happen any minute now, we’ll continue watching her late-night rituals with great intrigue and five-million questions.