As I’ve been flipping through pictures of Donald Trump throughout this election, I can’t help but notice something off about his appearance. Like, sure, he has the pallor of a stick of cream cheese rolled in crushed Cheetos, and sure, his suits are always a little bit too big (why? Why?!), and sure, there’s the weird smiling thing, but other than that, the thing I can’t stop thinking about is his hair.
Because I think his hair might be alive. Or at least haunted by a thousand trapped ghosts yearning to be free of his insanity. Because if you look closely, in almost every picture featuring Trump’s hair—a.k.a. all of them—it seems to be subtly, yet very definitively, trying to escape. Whether it’s through organized coup d’etats across his forehead or in small, sneaky sections down his back, Donald Trump’s hair is forever attempting to run away…and is doing as well as you did when you “ran away” to the backyard in 3rd grade with a sack of apples and stickers.
So we combed (ha) through approximately one-trillion photos to find the most indicting photos of Trump’s haunted, rebellious hair to prove to you that each one of his strands is trying to escape. I know; the evidence is damning.