Babe Walker’s Guide To Dressing For A Court Appearance

Susie G
Babe Walker’s Guide To Dressing For A Court Appearance
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To help celebrate the upcoming launch of @WhiteGrlProblem‘s Babe Walker new book aptly tiled White Girl Problems (which you can pre-order from Amazon and/or Barnes & Noble), Babe Walker will be doing a series of guests posts over the next few weeks right here on StyleCaster, offering outfit advice for a number of occasions just about everyone will (or could) get themselves into.

Now that most of you have recovered from New Year’s festivities, hopefully the only thing most of you guys woke up with was just a heavy hangover, unflattering Facebook photo tags and maybe just a little side dish of shame. For those of you who managed to wake up with a ticket or a violation from the cops, whether it’s due to getting caught streaking, walking around with that open bottle of Veuve Clicquot or speeding to go party-hopping from one to the next, don’t worry ’cause Babe Walker has got your back on the fashion front.

Forget about keeping it serious and boring, and take a note from Babe’s own experiences that you got to go big or go home (…or go to jail).

Read on to see just what we mean down below.


Stop lying for once in your life, and raise your hand if you’ve ever gone to court.

That’s what I thought.

It’s come to my attention that girls these days have no idea how to dress for the occasion. I’ve had the pleasure of going to court plenty of times, so my sage knowledge for this post is: arrive at your property hearing/grand larceny arraignment/murder trial in the most distracting outfit you have in your closet.

Be a spectacle. Own the room!

Court is the perfect place to pretend you’re Christy Turlington, traipsing up and down the catwalk, so just be yourself and go for it. Any judge in their right mind won’t be able to sleep at night knowing that he/she used his/her sorry, pathetic job as an excuse to cage a free bird who simply made the little mistake of going 95 mph through a Starbucks drive-thru, taking out all the bushes and signs and clipping a baby carriage because she was super late for a no-touch massage from her Shaman, Steve!

For my last court date, I wore this really rude Balenciaga Fall ’10 look, and it worked swimmingly. Here are some suggestions on how to win the crowd in your own special way.


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This Givenchy gown is a total steal. I mean, HELLO SALE! Nothing says “I’m innocent!” like angelic ruffles.

Givenchy Tiered Ruffle Gown, $2469, at Barneys New York

This Dolce & Gabbana dress could also be important in enhancing your ethereal energy on this special day.

Dolce & Gabbana Cotton Lace Dress, $898, at

Or, if you’re hardcore and you don’t give a f%ck that you were arrested for slashing your boyfriend’s tires, you could stalk into that courtroom in this Mary Katrantzou dress.

Mary Katrantzou Printed Cotton Viscose Wallpaper Dress, $2086, at

It would be fab matched with a cropped jacket like this one from Carven.

Carven Fur Sleeve Jacket, $950, at SSENSE

If you’re going to plead insanity, this garment from Comme des Garçons is one of my fave options for the event. It lets the judge know that you’re a total free spirit, despite being a calculated psycho.

COMME des GARÇONS Mixed Garment Jacket, $1638, at SSENSE

Try it with this supremely-Marni Marni Skirt!

Marni Circles Skirt, $2590, at Barneys New York

If you’re in court for a graffiti-related arrest, may I suggest a neon Christopher Kane denim jacket?

Christopher Kane Neon stretch-denim jacket, $520, at Net-A-Porter

...Paired with a jumpsuit, or this Acne Lucille taffeta dress? Smashing.

Acne Lucille Taffeta Dress, $460, at Net-A-Porter

Finally, make sure your bag is ALL BUSINESS. While, it may only be filled with gum, cigarettes, Nicorette, another flavor of gum, vitamins, a bottle of Smart Water (and maybe a joint), it should look as if it’s filled with important “documents” and “spreadsheets.” I die for these book bags from Olympia Le-Tan!

Olympia Le-Tan
The Great Gatsby Embroidered Clutch,
$1520, at Net-A-Porter

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Babe Walker’s Guide To Dressing For New Year’s Eve 2011

Babe Walker’s Guide To
Dressing For New Year’s Eve 2011

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