Dear What Men Want:
I have been dating this guy for a little over a year now. As soon as we met, I knew he was the guy I was meant to be with; he even used to tell me the same thing, and we talked about getting married after college. A couple weeks ago, he said he couldn’t wait until the weekend when hed get to be with me again (he’s only able to visit on weekends because his college is four hours away). Then, on Saturday, he broke up with me. These were his reasons:
a) We’re too young to be so serious.
b) He doesn’t know what it’s like to be single and wants to experience it before he’s older and it’s too late.
c) He doesn’t want to feel tied down and have to worry about so much.
I don’t understand — our relationship was perfect. I thought the distance kept things exciting between us since we didnt get to see each other every weekend, and I could tell that the breakup was hard for him, being the tough guy that he is. What I need to know is WHY he might have done this. Why does he want to be single when we seemingly had such a good thing going? He told me that he still wants to have a relationship with me in the future, but do you think that this would be at all possible? Will he ever come back to me, and if so, how are we supposed to make it work?
Completely and Utterly Heartbroken
Dear Completely and Utterly Heartbroken:
He cheated on you, or he’s about to cheat on you. Do you really think a lack of vagina will keep things “exciting” in a long-distance relationship? I’ve always been intrigued — and in a way found it humorous — that people think long-distance relationships in college can work. The good thing for you is that you’re a girl. It’s very easy for you to get laid and find new guys (assuming you don’t look like The Elephant Man’s twin sister). You just need to show up. You should get back to him, tell him that you agree, and that you think trying new people is a great idea.
Being a guy, and knowing a girl you cared about is about to have some random guys inside her will very quickly change his mind on whether he wants to continue his single lifestyle. Although, even if he does want to continue the relationship with you, is that what you really want? Go out and meet some new people and get a little freaky. Unless you’re going to school in a remote part of Nebraska, I can assure you that you’ll meet some great guys. You don’t want to be 40, having only hooked up with the same guy for twenty years, and then wonder if you made the right choice by staying with the same person. It sounds like that’s what you were planning on, but most people that proceed this way end up divorced or hating their lives. I know it sucks since you cared about him, but you’re still young. Have fun, and think of this as a speed bump in the marathon.