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9 Signs Your Boyfriend is Lying to You

9 Signs Your Boyfriend is Lying to You

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I can’t think of a better person to advise on detecting deception than someone who has trained detectives and intelligence officers from the FBI, the Department of Homeland Security and the Marines. Let’s be real chances are your boyfriend doesn’t quite have the same skills as a marine when it comes to lying, but the tips R. Edward Geiselman outlines in his recent UCLA paper can still easily apply to your man.

Geiselman and three other researchers analyzed over 60 studies on detecting deception and published their findings in a recent issue of American Journal of Forensic Psychiatry. They outlined a number of red flags we all see, but may not be aware of, when someone is lying directly to our faces.

While the following cues can definitely help you detect a lying boyfriend, Geiselman warns that we should take them with a grain of salt, saying, “without training, many people think they can detect deception, but their perceptions are unrelated to their actual ability. Quick, inadequate training sessions lead people to over-analyze and to do worse than if they go with their gut reactions.” So although I still think it’s important to be aware of the signs of deception, there’s no better way to detect a liar than trusting your intuition.

9 Signs of Deceit:

  • When questioned, deceptive people say as little as possible.
  • Though they say little, they tend to spontaneously give a justification for what they are saying, usually without being prompted.
  • They tend to repeat questions before answering them, perhaps to give themselves time to concoct an answer.
  • They often monitor the listener’s reaction to what they are saying. “They try to read you to see if you are buying their story,” Geiselman said.
  • They often initially slow down their speech because they have to create their story and monitor your reaction, and when they have it straight “will spew it out faster,” Geiselman said. Truthful people are not bothered if they speak slowly, but deceptive people often think slowing their speech down may look suspicious. “Truthful people will not dramatically alter their speech rate within a single sentence,” he said.
  • They tend to use sentence fragments more frequently than truthful people; often, they will start an answer, back up and not complete the sentence.
  • They are more likely to press their lips when asked a sensitive question and are more likely to play with their hair or engage in other “grooming” behaviors. Gesturing toward one’s self with the hands tends to be a sign of deception; gesturing outwardly is not.
  • Truthful people, if challenged about details, will often deny that they are lying and explain even more, while deceptive people generally will not provide more specifics.
  • When asked a difficult question, truthful people will often look away because the question requires concentration, while dishonest people will look away only briefly, if at all, unless it is a question that should require intense concentration.

  • gt

    The 3rd paragraph (and only source) completely contradicts the existence of the list of bullet points.

    Also I do more than half of these as regular habit (people have quirks). Going off this list, no one could catch me lying because they’d have no real clues.

  • tt

    Was this a UCLA thesis paper? Maybe they shouldn’t pass… this was a list of junk signs. Maybe they have a problem repeating themselves, hum… and playing with their hair! Come on, then that would mean all women are lying too! LOL

  • ct

    Marines are no better or worse at lying than anyone else. There is no part of boot camp specifically devoted to teaching them how to lie. This article is ridiculous and idiotic. It’s a natural reaction to deny lying, no matter what. And that final bullet point shouldn’t even exist, truthful people look away so they can concentrate, liars look away briefly, unless they too need to concentrate.

  • ct

    Marines are no better or worse at lying than anyone else. There is no part of boot camp specifically devoted to teaching them how to lie. This article is ridiculous and idiotic. It’s a natural reaction to deny lying, no matter what. And that final bullet point shouldn’t even exist, truthful people look away so they can concentrate, liars look away briefly, unless they too need to concentrate.

  • Jay

    This can also be called: “9 Signs Your Girlfriend is Lying to You”

  • The Lorax

    These 9 points on their own are taken from bodylanguage cues that a trained interrogator, such as a federal agent, police detective, or Army MP, will look for when questioning a subject. Whether it is in a law enforcement situation or grilling your significant other about something they may have done, it is not normal to play with your hair in high stress conversations…unless you’re hiding something. As for the Marines, if you have been trained in your course of duty how to look for subtle signs of lying, then it is only natural that you will know how to subterfuge questioning yourself, which is a skill set of a Special Forces operator for example.

  • Melanie

    I loathe articles like this because some of those things are mannerisms that have NOTHING to do with lying, and all this story will do is generate false accusations and hysteria from those who take it too seriously.

    I thought gesturing toward yourself is a sign of sincerity not lying *sheesh*

  • Harvett

    I don’t know where they get their info but the I have met people who will falsify records in order to try to make a fool out of you.

  • errr

    9 signs my boyfriend is lying to me are from a psychiatrist who did research on both genders? I forget the word for sexist defensiveness. Maybe.

  • tim

    Geiselman warns that we should take them with a grain of salt, saying, “without training, many people think they can detect deception, but their perceptions are unrelated to their actual ability.

    Also, each point starts with often and usually not always.

    Read the article. You’re all idiots.

  • christina

    Tim, YES! Look at all the haters on this thread! Personally, I’d rather listen to someone with some sort of knowledge of the subject (police, military, research scientist) rather than people who get their panties in a bunch,get defensive and post that the article is ignorant or nonsense. (Although I wish gender would have been left out of the title…)

  • john

    sounds like some people got confronted with the truth about themselves when they read this article… ha.. its funny, ive known several people that lie and they all do this stuff… this article is right on, not gospel, but pretty darn close… good day…

  • Seonaid Divine

    I can always tell when my bf is lying. His eyes are open. He’s breathing. Sounds are coming out of his mouth. When all those stars are in alignment, I know I’m in the presence of ########.
    http://tinyurl.com/3rhbl2h

  • fu

    The title of this should be, “9 Signs Your Boyfriend OR Girlfriend is Lying to You.” Why do men only get called out? Women decieve their men as well and quite frankly, they’re much more skillful with their deception than men

  • im dumb

    did you just make this up, I could of written a better article by throwing magentic letters at the fridge and jotting down the results. Time to go back to writing school because this is probably the dumbest story… ever.

  • ss

    You can tell when a girlfriend is lying easily. Is she breathing?

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