The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right I first discovered this handy, little, self-help book back in the summer of ’08, and I’ll admit that, initially, it had me hooked. A good friend of mine a self-proclaimed “rules girl” came back from college that summer with a new boyfriend, the supposed “Mr. Right,” and a new attitude towards dating and she credited it all to The Rules.
The next day, my friends and I were all at Barnes and Noble picking up our own copies, which we read cover-to-cover in about two days. We lived by those rules that summer, acting all aloof and playing hard to get with the opposite sex but somehow we still didn’t wind up with “Mr. Right” at the end of the summer.
It wasn’t until re-reading parts of the book recently that I realized just how dated and ass-backwards some of the rules are. I’ve taken the liberty of choosing 7 that I think need the most revision.
Rule 7: Don’t Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
While I may agree with this rule, it’s just too unrealistic in the world we live in. If people still “dated” in the traditional sense of the word, then I’m all for some advance notice. But let’s be real, we all lead busy lives (things come up), so planning a date a week in advance is just not always possible.
Rule 12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn’t Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine’s Day
Yes, those are both important and romantic days of the year, but are you really going to end a relationship if you don’t get the perfect gift. Stop being so damn materialistic a romantic gesture is just as important as a gift. What if he planned a romantic night in, but didn’t buy you some fancy jewelry? You’re not going to break up over it… nor should you!
Rule 16: Don’t Tell Him What to Do
Really? Rules like this are basically meant to set women back decades. Here’s what I get from this: be submissive, obey your man and shut your mouth woman! Umm… how ’bout not. If a man can’t handle being told what to do, then he’s not the man you want to be with anyway.
Rule 22: Dont Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
Ok good luck trying this one. I know that studies show that living with a man before marriage is more likely to result in divorce, but I just can’t agree with this one. And I certainly can’t agree with not leaving anything at his place. When your lives start to meld and you become more and more serious, it’s inevitable that your belongings will start to meld too. Personally, I believe that living together before marriage is the best way to test compatibility.
Rule 26: Even if You’re Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
If you still need to be playing by “The Rules” when you’re about to get married, then you have bigger problems than a book can help you deal with. The whole point of finding someone you’re going to spend the rest of your life with is so that you can stop the silly games and rules. If you still need them, then you have not found “the one.”
Rule 31: Don’t Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.
Chances are if you’re following “The Rules” like it’s some sort of sacred document, then you probably do need a therapist. And any qualified professional will tell you to stop leading you life by “The Rules”… it’s not healthy.
Rule 34: Love Only Those Who Love You
Now this is just crazy talk. Control your heart and feelings that’s what this rule is saying. We can’t help who we fall in love with, and if we could, then we wouldn’t need books like “The Rules” in the first place.