Most celebrities are like little kids with never-ending allowances. Without impulse control or financial constraints to hold you back, your love life either becomes a train wreck or a business proposition. Add a high-profile wedding/divorce like Kim Kardashian‘s into the mix and you suddenly realize even money can’t buy you love OR a happily-ever-after. (It just earns you a lot of snickers and the cover of the next Us Weekly.)
So in an effort to help those in Hollywood who may be thinking about taking the plunge into holy matrimony, here’s a handy cheat sheet of why it’s not going to work if any of these factors exist before you tie the knot.
1. Ego — If you’re both high-profile, you’re going to be constantly fighting for the limelight. Get over it — marriage is all about concessions, and at some point one of you is going to have to ride in the backseat for awhile. Reese Witherspoon totally got this. That’s why she ditched dating actors and married an agent instead.
2. Money — It’s the root of most problems in marriages, so why would celebrities be any different? If your wedding planning starts to resemble a board meeting you’re already in trouble. Stop selling your pictures, agreeing to TV shows and putting your relationship on blast via Twitter and Facebook.
3. Travel — The most successful Hollywood relationships are the ones where the other partner takes time off work to ensure that they’re always together. Come on, what’s 5 mil when you’re worth 20? Again, your relationship should be your number one priority — NOT your career.
4. Rumors — Every actor or actress I’ve ever met is insecure about something, so it only stands to reason a bunch of tabloid rumors are going to take an already shaky marriage straight to divorce court.
4. Pressure — Your fans want you to get married, your agent thinks it will raise your profile and your mom is sick and tired of bugging you about babies. So you do, and then disaster strikes. For every couple that rushed down the aisle (ScarJo and Ryan Reynolds, Eva Longoria and Tony Parker, etc.) there’s a couple like Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell that have lived together for over 20 years without the benefit of a marriage license and have a stronger relationship because of it.
5. Priorities — Think hard: Can you actually name drop a married star who uses the term “we” more than “I?” Fundamentally, marriage means what you want becomes what you and your spouse want — a hard pill to swallow when you’re used to being in control all the time. Suddenly you can’t just jet off to Vegas for a weekend with your friends or spend 10K on a pair of boots just because. When you’re the center of YOUR world it’s not easy to take a step back and let someone else have a major stake in your life.
My advice? Stop trying to rush things and take it slow. Sure, it may cost you that reality program on E!, but just think of all the money you’ll be saving on court fees and alimony.