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5 Dating Lessons I Learned from My Sisters – A Guy’s Perspective on Attracting the Opposite Sex

5 Dating Lessons I Learned from My Sisters – A Guy’s Perspective on Attracting the Opposite Sex


Coooooooooooool I love that word. It means different things to different people. To some, cool means fitting in and doing what others do. Meanwhile in Idanics, cool represents style, swag, and comfort in your own skin.

When I was younger, I was certainly not cool as others would define it. I didnt have cool clothes, a cool car, cool hobbies, cool habits, a cool look, or cool hair. Speaking of hair, dont let me forget to tell you that my mom insisted I grow my hair long. This meant that strangers would often compliment her on her three lovely daughters.

When you arent cool, you probably arent dating much. The only experiences you develop with people are from standing on the sideline and watching what the cool people do. I never cared too much about what the cool crowd was doing because they represented the institution and, Lord knows, I never thought the institution was very cool. Instead, I watched and learned from my sisters as they went on dates. Over the years, these notes became part of what I refer to as the Idan Juan Code. Below, I share five of its many dating lessons.

1. Romantic v. Stalker
The only difference between a romantic guy and a stalker is whether a woman is attracted to you. When a woman is attracted to you, your persistence and efforts will be considered romantic, admirable, and attentive. When a woman is not attracted to you, your persistence and efforts will be considered stalkerish.

2. The Zone
This is the invisible zone that surrounds each woman. The Zone represents security, privacy, safety, and comfort. Always respect the Zone and do not attempt to enter until you are given what I refer to as a Zone pass. Believe me, you will know when it has been granted.

3. Shell let you know
If a woman wants to keep in touch with you, she will certainly let you know. Please dont fight me on this one. There is no need to ask her for her number. She will pass along subtle hints if she wants to keep in touch with you, e.g. Do you have a card?, We should keep in touch, Here is my number, Are you on Facebook?, Does Pat have your number? etc.

4. If she wants to spend time with you, then she will.
Fellas, there is no need to call repeatedly, leave multiple messages, email, tweet, or instant message her on Facebook. I recognize that you may have already left her a couple messages. That is OK but, after that, it is time to back away. If she wants to return your call, then she will. If she wants to see you, then she will. If she wants to hang out with you, then she will.

5. Men approach me all day long so dont expect me to be so kind when we first meet.
Guys, I insist you put yourself in her shoes. You think she is really attractive, but so do the other 200 guys that saw her today, yesterday, and the day before. She is tired of being approached, ogled, and harassed so leave her alone. If you insist on approaching her, do it with style, with charm, with confidence, and with subtlety.

In recent articles this year, The Wall Street Journal, Men’s Journal, and Sports Illustrated referred to Idan Ravin as the “Hoops Whisperer” because of his unique ability to engage, inspire and challenge the many NBA players he trains. Idan has worked with many of the NBA’s elite, including Chris Paul (New Orleans Hornets), Carmelo Anthony (Denver Nuggets), Kevin Durant (Oklahoma City Thunder), Gilbert Arenas (Washington Wizards), LeBron James (Cleveland Cavaliers), Joe Johnson (Atlanta Hawks), Amare Stoudemaire (Phoenix Suns), Kobe Bryant (Los Angeles Lakers), Jason Richardson (Phoenix Suns), and Rudy Gay (Memphis Grizzlies).

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  • Lauren D.

    Uhhh this is the OPPOSITE of true. Even if I’m interested, I won’t do anything about it. I’m the prey; not the hunter. And I certainly don’t want to date anyone who wouldn’t ask me out unless I said “Here is my number”. You’re a chick, dude.

  • Amber

    I agree with Lauren. Seriously? If you pulled those moves with me (i.e., waiting for ME to sweep you off your feet), I’d just move on to the next guy who knows how to grow a set and ask for my number.

  • Amanda P

    Okay…all of those are pretty accurate other than no.3. Don’t make the woman be awkward and ask if you’re “on facebook,” (I have a whole other set of problems with the effect of FB on relationships). Be a man and ask for her number if you actually want to get anywhere.

  • Ann

    #1 is on shaky ground but kind of true, analogous to the difference between sexual harassment and flirting is if the guy is hot. #2 is, like, what? Did you go to one of those colleges where you have to ask permission for everything? “May I unbutton your shirt?” “Yes.” #3 is totally nuts. How are we supposed to know if YOU are interested if you don’t ask how to contact us? Are we supposed to read your mind? Even if we’re interested, if we think you’re not, we won’t contact you. #4 is fine. #5 is sad though — don’t expect her to be nice? Why would you even want to date a girl that treats you like crap from the word go?

  • fred garvin

    you should not be giving advice to anyone …you are a dingbat …..and despite your advice you ar single … you are a sad “want to be character from SITC”
    the fact that you make a living doing this ….makes me sick ….get a real job you are truly want is meant by the term “FUCKING CUNT”

  • Evan Tyler

    Your responses speak volumes. I am a confident man when it comes to women and I usually
    don’t have to do any work. Women are easy to read. I appreciate a strong, confident woman who will approach me first. It shows that you have character and that you’re not living in my Grandmas generation. I have no problem chatting up the prettiest thing in the room or asking for her contact info, but when I have to work too hard because you are being shy or coy or too cool or playing hard to get then I start to see you as a game player and game playing is manipulative and suggests negative things about your character. Plus it’s ambiguous. I might as well move on to the next thang if Im not sure of your intentions.

  • Kendall

    I agree with much of this post. Comments were surprisingly critical.

    I think there are many ways to encourage a woman to share her digits without being overly obnoxious or timid. The most interesting women know when there is a dance and when interest is there because they recognize that small gestures–a hand on the back, a look in the eye that lingers long, a suggestive comment or compliment on her beauty–open the door that they can willingly walk through. I admit I will ask pretty directly if I get the same cues back but if you are too simple or naive to even give me the right signals, why waste my time? That isn’t me growing a pair–that is about finding a woman that has intuition and grace. Those are the women I seek.

  • Liz

    If a guy didn’t ask for my phone number, I’d assume he wasn’t interested. End of story.

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