Tim Burtons remake of Alice in Wonderland isdue to hit theaters on March 5, and were almost positive that Burton will do the original justice. Unfortunately, in the case of remakes, this is difficult to accomplish. We get a little skeptical when we hear that Hollywood has decided to remake a perfectly good classic; the word remake alone sounds like a recipe for disaster, with an end result that often falls terribly short of expectations. Were not saying that there arent the occasional home runs take 2001s Oceans Eleven, for example, which has become quite the cult favorite. But for humor’s sake, let’s focus on the not-so-good. Here is our list of the 10 movies that should probably never have been remade.
1. House of Wax
Paris Hilton stars in a teen slasher flick — need we say more? The 2005 remake revolves around a group of teenagers who get stranded in a deserted town, where the main attraction is a wax museum. The sculptures, of course, turn out to be real humans. This movie has all the ingredients of every clich slasher movie you’ve ever seen — and that is not a compliment.
Alfred Hitchcock changed the game of horror films forever. So, if anyone plans on attempting a remake at a classic Hitchcock film, they better be sure to do it right! Unfortunately, this was not the case for director Gus Van Zant, in his 1998 version of the film. Simply put, the remake is just a duller version of the original.
3. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This 2003 remake starring Jessica Biel, was nothing more than an over-the-top gory mess. This should come as no big surprise, especially since Biel’s track record for movies hasn’t exactly been stellar. Most horror movie enthusiasts would regard the 1974 original as a classic, but once again, this remake begs the important question, “if it ain’t broke, why fix it?”
4. The Pink Panther
Steve Martin and Beyonce may have been laughing all the way to the bank, but we were hard-pressed to give off as much as a giggle. Just because a film makes big bucks at the box office doesn’t mean it’s any good. This was precisely the case for the 2006 remake ofThe Pink Panther. While the film may not have been a comic genius, it still managed to earn $159 million — and a sequel. This is just a hunch, but we think Beyonce may have had a little something to do with the film’s box office success.
5. The Stepford Wives
It seems to us that despite her obvious acting talents, Nicole Kidman has become pretty adept at starring in bad remakes — think 2007′s The Invasion. Unfortunately for her, 2004′s The Stepford Wives was no exception. The original 1975 version was said to be revolutionary — giving audience members at the time the chills. Kidman’s rendition was definitely chilling, but not in a good way.
6. Starsky & Hutch
You would think that putting Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller together on screen would result in a comic hit, right? Wrong! While the 2004 remake of the 1970s cop series definitely had potential, it ultimately fell short. It may not have been so bad if we didn’t have such high expectations of the film’s leading men, who consistently deliver comic hits. We guess you can’t hit the mark every time.
7. Dukes of Hazzard
It seems to us that Jessica Simpson‘s main role in this 2005 remake is to simply provide eye candy — she couldn’t possibly have been cast for her amazing acting skills. Dukes of Hazzard is hardly a laugh-fest, and to top it off, it lacks any plot line at all.
8. I am Legend
If Will Smith knows how to do one thing, it’s how to open big at the box office. Whether a movie is good or bad, nothing that Smith stars in loses money. I am Legend is no exception, but it definitely falls into the “bad” movie category. The movie is the third in a line of adaptations based on Richard Matheson’s 1954 novel of the same name. We think that any movie that has only one character for the majority of the flick is a recipe for disaster — and a dog doesn’t count.
9. Freaky Friday
Although we don’t necessarily mind Lindsay Lohan‘s version of the 1976 film, it isn’t the best we’ve seen from LiLo, and it’s always a tricky business trying to remake a movie that is already beloved by so many people. There aren’t any big problems with Lohan’s version, but at the same time, there aren’t really any surprises either.
We will admittedly see any movie that Jude Law stars in. That being said, Law’s dashing looks were the only good part of this 2004 remake. On its own, Law’s version is really not that bad, but once you see Michael Caine‘s 1966 rendition of Alfie, you’ll rethink your previous opinions. The 2004 remake is commonly referred to as a sweeter, lighter version of the original — but we’d take tougher and sexier any day.