Let’s say you started chatting with a cute guy you just met. You’re totally vibing and hitting it off and then … he walks away. Um, what?! There’s nothing more annoying than thinking you’ve got a real connection with someone, only to realize that he might not be that into you after all. That said, there are a few tactics you can use to keep him interested during those critical first few minutes, which increases your odds of scoring a date. Below, 10 foolproof ways that outline how to get a guy to ask you out—from an actual guy!
1. Make Real Eye Contact.
Unfortunately, many women tend to turn away when they like someone, and avoid looking directly at them. This is a mistake! Whether you’re checking out a guy who hasn’t seen you yet, or started talking to one, make sure you look into his eyes for an extra few seconds. In the case of spotting someone from across the room, locking eyes will signal to him that’s cool if he comes over to talk.
2. Put Your Boobs Away.
Yes, men love short skirts and spaghetti strap dresses. Most men love legs in all lengths. A fresh pedi in strappy sandals does it for us too. Just be mindful of that plunging neckline. A good rule of thumb is the bigger your boobs, the less you want them pushed up or hanging out, otherwise you could send the wrong message.
Many women think showing off their ample assets will get a guy to ask them out, but most likely it’ll be the wrong kind of guy (ahem, players.) That’s not to say you have to cover up like a nun, just be tasteful. The right men will approach you if you look sexy, not trashy.
3. ‘Wit-l’ Your Way In.
A recurring request from my clients: “introduce me to a witty girl.” Quick wit showcases humor and intelligence; two qualities that men look for in long-term relationships just like you do. Keep in mind that being witty isn’t the same as cracking joke after joke, so subtlety is key.
4. Don’t Look Miserable in Public.
If you’re standing at a party bemoaning your idiot colleague, your annoying landlord, or the fact that you haven’t had meaningful sex in a year, you probably won’t attract anyone. It’s a fact that copious amounts of negativity shows, and the guy across the room can see it. It’s a red flag the size of Central Park: Men want to meet happy women and don’t want to meet ones who are unhappy 24/7.
Obviously, nobody is thrilled all the time, but the place to be unhappy is in your own space (or in your therapist’s office!) If you want men—or anyone, for that matter—to think you’re approachable, think happy thoughts when out in public.
5. Body Language Counts.
So, I think you are totally hot, but you’re intimidating me with your body language. Cross your arms and you might as well wear a badge that says “hi, I hate you.” Men are receptive to women who are open to meeting people. We’ll approach you because we like the way you laugh with your friends or joke with the bartender.
Your delightful personality and open body language says that you’re secure with yourself and interested in letting new people enter your life. If you’re sitting, cross your legs in his direction with your free foot facing toward him. That says come over. The other direction says stay away.
6. Confidence is Key.
When you’re comfortable with yourself, it shows. Wherever you go, carry yourself proudly and with good posture. Keep your eyes at eye level and look around, taking in all that’s beautiful in your great city. If you see something you like, smile. When you shake hands with a new acquaintance, grip their hand firmly and make eye contact. If you have an air of confidence and the posture and mannerisms to back it up, you will absolutely intrigue us.
7. Carpe Diem.
Let’s say you’re at a karaoke bar and its your turn at the microphone. If youre an amazing singer, sing well! If you’re a better entertainer, then whip out some choreography! Every situation is an opportunity, so take it. A guy who makes a comment to you about your performance afterwards is trying to spark a conversation. Don’t say thanks and run, but chat about it and learn more about each other. After all, it took him a lot of courage to approach you!
8. Don’t Get Wasted.
If I see a beautiful woman across the bar, but she’s falling all over herself and might spew at any second, it’s not a good time to approach her. A totally inebriated woman can have a slew of problems. It makes men ask themselves a lot of questions about her character. Sure, we all overdo it sometimes, but just as an FYI: A quality guy won’t approach you when you’re visibly drunk.
9. Be Direct
Why wait for him to ask you out? Men love being asked out just as much as you do. It’s so flattering! I say, if you like the guy, go for it! The worst thing he can say is no, in which case you move on, but he’ll probably say “I’d love to! How about Thursday?” Either way, you should feel great for taking the risk.
Having fun and being yourself is the goal, so just enjoy yourself when you’re out and the signals you send will surely attract others. Looking desperate will only keep people away.
Richard Easton is a premier personal matchmaker based in New York City. For more information, visit his site.